I beleive everybody could benefit from reading this.

• If you want to change direction
• If you feel stuck and deep-seated in unhappiness or going through a mid-life crisis
• If you have started a business and find yourself in the ‘The Dip’ [basically a beginners pit where you can’t seem to get motivated or positive]
• If you are young but still choosing the ‘right’ path for you.

The big problem is that we all conform to the same dream even though we are all different.

It leads to massive, deep-seated unhappiness and a disconnect with your true self.

I know, I chased the fancy job title, the big house and nice cars. Keeping up with everyone else and believing I was doing the right thing.

I worked crazy hours, was stressed and didn’t know what my life was about until..

That night, my heart started to pump right out of my chest. I’d barely slept in weeks; as my chest tightened, I was suffocating.

Instinctively, I got up and went to the bathroom, frantically splashing ice-cold water on my face.

Staring into the mirror, I could see the emptiness I’d created.
Nothing mattered more than the two precious children in the next room.

What the hell was I doing?

I had nothing to show for nearly 20 years in a career. And to make matters worse, I was staring at 25 years more.

So are you prepared to do 20, 30 or 40 years of this?

The good news, and I’ll explain why, is that society is changing. The lessons that can help guide you:

1. Opportunities are everywhere

Never before has there been so much diverse opportunity for your uniqueness to thrive.

Your interests, passions and natural strengths. All give you the ability to make money, give you creative freedom and design a life you truly want to live.

But you have to be ready for a steep learning curve.

Abandoning every preconceived false requirement about what makes a good life.

While discovering and defining what a good life is to you.

This isn’t easy; every system is set up to keep you under control. The school system asks you to commit at 15 years old to a lifelong career [which is rarely possible].

“I don’t want a nation of thinkers, I want a nations of workers.” JD Rockefeller

And it doesn’t stop there; it’s even happening with casual interests or pursuits for fun.

2. Don’t get caught in the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My son is 9 years old.

Last July, they had a band come in to school.

“We can teach you kids how to be in a band and play like us”, they said.

My son spent all Summer excited to be the guitar player in the school band.

He’d never picked up a guitar.

So I took him to my dad’s house for a pre-lesson lesson. It was awkward; he couldn’t do much, but he held the guitar enthusiastically.

From Oct – Feb he had weekly lessons.

Then he said: “I’d like to try the drums”

But his instructor said NO. And that was that.

If we’re conditioned that we are stuck with our choices even from 9 years old, when can we explore what the world has and how we can find our purpose within it?

The Sunk Cost Fallacy is when we choose to continue with something because of time, effort or investment in the past, even though it does not make sense to continue in the future.

The Sunk Cost Fallacy keeps more talented people stuck in careers when they could be building their dream lives.

YOU could be building your dream life.

Journal: What are you doing today that doesn’t play a part in your dream life?

3. Beware of Apathy & Numbing

This section is inspired by the work of Brene Brown.

Most people coast through days in a numb state. They come to work barely present. They stay barely present with bite-sized chunks of dopamine from social media scrolling and gossip.

At home, they are emotionally disconnected and spend the evenings numbing themselves. With TV, drink, social media, games or gambling.

Life was meant to be enjoyed with a full range of emotions. It’s why we love to cry at a good movie [see Brene Brown’s research].

If you think of the most memorable experiences in your life they were made potent by strong emotions.

Embrace the highs and lows, feeling every emotion possible and know that this is being alive.

4. The Success Paradox

This is why high achievers can check off everything on the list, much as I did and still feel unfulfilled.

If you still believe that the traditional checklist will make you happy, try talking to people who have what you think you want.

If they are honest, you might be surprised.

These are the four lessons to consider as we go through the steps:

1. Opportunities are everywhere – the world is changing.
2. Don’t get caught by the sunk cost fallacy
3. Beware of Apathy
4. Don’t fall for the Success Paradox

Here we go…

The 3 steps to building your dream life

Step 1. Know YOUR Dream Life Vision?

No goal is the same for you as it is for anyone else.

There is no one-size-fits-all.

I recently listened to Amy Porterfield, a multimillion-dollar business owner, explain hitting her first million.

“I just expected things to change, but everything had stayed the same”.

Money only makes you more of who you are.

Journal: Consider instead what will make you more the person you wish to be.

Step 2. Accept the risks & move to action

The world is changing, and the once-cited safe and secure careers are no longer the case.

AI is shaking things up. Anything repetitive or manual is automated. No one is going to get paid to reply to office emails in the future. They will be redundant. The world now needs independent and innovative people with a range of strengths to solve new and changing problems.

I don’t know how soon this shift will happen, but we already saw a huge rise in the gig economy following COVID-19.

In the future, some people will be employed, but many more will form the gig economy, freelance and casual workers. While the ambitious will take the lead in the entrepreneurial space.

Accept the risk now; it will save you time and get you ahead of most people who are still coasting their way through a dead-end job.

Step 3: Find Your People

The old term was network, some call it your tribe, your community. These are the people who will learn with you, grow with you, and be your first clients. Start to build out these people as your supportive core network, and you will have the foundations set:

1. The cheerleader
2. The peer group
3. The mentors
4. The audience – future leads & clients

Day to day surround yourself with people on the same journey. Most important at first, to normalise the new habits and routines.

Having a cheerleader will help you on the down days.

You can even follow mentors online and they can be a great source of expertise.

Step 4. Do what you have to do

Burn the bridges..

Is The Worst Advice Ever

When you pursue a new path, the ceiling is removed, but so is the floor.

You no longer have the safety net.

The advice comes from the idea in psychology of making a committed decision. Where there is no other option.

Instead, commit 100% to yourself.

This allows you to accelerate to the higher states of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs while being secure in the basics like money. Otherwise, the stress will remove access to the other motivating factors.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

The bottom section includes basics like the money to live, and nearer the top are the purpose and fulfillment elements of life & work:

Image from wikipredia.

Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can do what others can’t.”

Jerry Rice / Athelete

Most people just won’t do what it takes. They won’t experience the discomfort for 12 months or a few years.

Do what you have to do until you can do what you want. [Codie Sanchez]

The world is changing, this is one thing you can be certain of.

Changing the life you have now to do what you were always meant to do is going to be hard.

But waiting and falling further behind, running out of time, and missing opportunities will be a harder pill to swallow later.

To wrap up – if you got this far, you probably want to complete some journal prompts, so I listed these below. Start to structure your thoughts and let the subconscious guide you.

Journal Prompts

1. What are you doing now that doesn’t play a part in your dream life?
2. What will make you more the person you wish to be?
3. What is MY dream life vision?
4. What is wrong with my current environment?
5. How can I create the structures and find the people on the same journey?
6. What do you need to do now so that ‘the future you’ can do what you want?

Thank you for reading.

Sue Parker

PS: Please hit me a DM and let me know what you think.

And a cheeky share this with someone who needs the clarity to make their dream life a reality.